Out of zone

HELLO


It's a rare time sitting with you in the middle of day. Don't you wanna know why?
As always, I wrote here if I have something stuck in my mind and don't have any idea with whom I must talked about it.
Let's talk about zone, what zone? Friend zone.
No, not that "Friend zone" jokes on 9gag. It's purely friend zone with a lot of friends inside it.
I promise no other cheesy things in here, so watch about it.
May I start now? Gonna take a long time.


It's been two years and a half I've known them. Formerly, they're my comfort zone in here, college life.
Why I said 'formerly'? Because everything changes.
It's not their fault at all, it's a choice.
But more here, there's something wrong here.
Me.


Slap me, but am I wrong if I think that I'm already 'out' of their zone?
Yes, you can slap me or do anything what you like. Go on.
Maybe they think, it's non-sense.
Maybe they think, I'm over thinking about it.
Maybe they're not think about it at all. Not at all.


I'm shrink from this zone.
Feel like vulnerable, invisible.
I'm just laughed bitterly when I remember it or see what they're doing there and I'm here.
Not their fault, it's a choice.


Is it because unconsciously I pull away from them and doing other activity outside of the circle?
I reticent to go back there again because I don't understand.
Maybe yes, I'm over thinking it when I feel different with their views, when I didn't get the joke, when I didn't laugh out loud or I didn't  feel same rhythm of the breath in this band.
I mad with my self, I want to go back to the times when it's formerly..
Call me a coward, it's okay.


Guess you'll give me advice like "Why don't you try to go back entering their your zone because not everyone thinks the same as you think before?"
or "Let it flow, don't over thinking it, just enjoy the one which is the most comfortable with you now."
or "They're OK without you, just go on."
or "Why so serious? Take it easy."


I wrote it not to ask for yearning, or advice, or anything else.
Just speak out what's on my mind because it's kinda hurts inside.
My dear bloogy, you must be irritated because seems like I'm so weak..lots of complains...sigh everywhere.. I know.
That's why I hate it.


Last, I'm sorry for anything.
Just because I don't understand doesn't necessarily mean that I don't care, my dear friends.
I just miss you, geeks :(


p.s. Friends-thingy is always forced the tears to come out. Just like now.