Deep down, it keep haunting you and sometimes it hurts even just a bit.. right? Unconsciously.
In the end, you remain still and stay being dust in the parallel universe. Unseen and unreachable.

You said that you're just missing the moment.
Are you sure you don't want to turning back, while you still can?

This is the state of inertia, vice versa.

Basically you just need a distraction


When suddenly it turns to be cold or your body start to heating up for things you can't adjust or tolerate, basically you just need a distraction.

Let's say, if there's one scene that I never want to be happen is happened..
The possibility about me thinking, "Amnesia would be a better option for this," is approximately 98 %.
Wait, am I starting to precise it out?
And wow, that's kinda high tho?
Such an avoider.

But the womb is also know that you can't be suddenly Amnesia and everything will be a happy calming end. You know what, just go with another option : find some distraction. 

Talking about distraction, usually I put my feet on the dance floor but I need longer time to distract. So, I try to find a new one (in which I die to select what kind of activities)

As you know that I'm not a good cook, ..yet, ...maybe, but I'm not that lame too. I love seeing people cooking something and loving it more when they documented it properly also makes it looks so tempting until I wanna try it (and ends up with burning my kitchen down --BOOM!) (but still, food macro-photography would save it all)

I'm trying some new (super simple) recipes out there (read : instagram) as my distraction. The more I need distraction, the more I cook until the very late night. I did that several times with theme #Edible and posted it on my Snapgram.

That kind of recipe you'll find on the back of Blueband's packaging

They thought it was pork noodle...

Literally Chicken & Lemon. Please don't judge me.

And that was it.
Yes I knoooooow that all of it is just a very berry merry super simple recipe, but learning won't stop here. (inda sick of seeing any quote about learning --side eyeing the job)
As the theme, it's still edible enough and I guarantee that you're not going to be poisoned. Unless I want to, lol.

Maybe I'll routine this up so the cooking itself could level up from "Distraction" to "Routine".
In which I should look for another distraction.
Any advice of doing what?

p.s. For delivering that foodies above, my kitchen is (still) safe. Bless me

Things she never talks about


It's 23:34 p.m. and I want to ask her about things she never talks about, which happened for several times.

She, as a woman, is common to feel that insecurity when she saw something she don't want to see. She understand it well, like very well. She also knows the risk for knowing it.
She admit that she don't like it, but she just couldn't tell.
She wants to make sure whether things that annoyed her would be vanished as soon as possible, but it just couldn't happened.
She just don't want to see anything about it.

And there she is,
Making her own space and receiving the blame to hide it out.
She send an apology the morning after she burst in tears all by herself.
And that's how she relieve the pain.

So I want to ask her this.

My dear she,
Do you ever change?

Because she needs some space

Besides rhetorical things, what's your one point of pleasure?


I ever said to you that night to dawn time is (almost) a perfect time for going further to the world of overthinking. So I'm coming down here just to land my fingers on the tip of yours.

So, what am I gonna write for now... hmm, maybe about one point of pleasure.
I'll exclude the rhetorical things related with religion and family, because yes that's the main point - isn't that kinda mandatory for human being like us?
This more like on another perspective about a simple things that makes you happy (self-version).

Going on trip is one point of pleasure that can boost my working spirit. I always love the time when I can finally mark some dates on my desk calendar with the tags : "Trip!". Last memorable trip was of course my holy grail because you know how long I've been waiting for this trip right.... Seoul in Winter is the prettiest yet kinda torturing.

No, this was not in Seoul. But yeah, that's me (and deer!)

I enjoy every moment of it, starting from planning your trip, packing your stuffs, dealing with some trip-incidents, tapping your journey, first-timer experiences, stumbled upon your silliness, tolerate your travel-mate, simply laughing, self-satisfaction, one step of achievement, replaying your shots, until of course the most annoying thing like : post-trip syndrome.

Going on trip alone or with travel-mate are all the same for me. I can do both anyway, even though sometimes I enjoy the first option more. Well, it depends on mood.

To sum it up, I miss going on trip.
As simple as that.

p.s. Don't pity me, I'll be on trip soon next month, stay tune :)

She said she wants to write more


Before entering 2017, I have an-old-resolution-that-never-realized-even-though-it-has-been-said-for-zillion-times, which is : do write more.
I admit that I'm not a good writer even though I've been strolling around here for about 9 years. You can see it from three perspectives such as : content, systematically, and consistency.

Talking about content, apparently this blog is only for private consumption (read : me and my overthinking disease). I still have no consent of how to share a good quality content for you, the readers. There's time when I have a thought to change the appearance and content of this blog completely, but seeing you bloogy, I could reflect how I've been growing up together with you since the very start of my post. So for the content itself, I'll stay with whatever it is coming from my mind. This is my area anyway.

Moving on to the next part (I'm eyeing you dear grammarnazi!), it's true that writing is my weakness (read : crappy-grammar and the oh-so-lame-vocab). There's time when I wrote the post very carefully just to make sure that there's no mistake esp in grammar, but in the other time (and most of the time), I just write it freely -just like now. Well, I need to practice more and more. So please bear with it if you find it annoying when you read some errors there or there.

The last part is the one who rules. Consistency.
For the two things I mentioned before, actually I can handle it with consistency. I'll find the pattern about content and practice to write by writing in consistency. I even targeted for at least write one post in one month, so I'l have remarks about what happened to me in every months. The perfect plan goes like this : One post a month, one post a week, one post a day. For posting something everyday, I think I'll flood you up with unimportant things, bunch of unclear ideas, or ends up with just posting a picture and a quote that represent my mood that day (which reminds me about my Tumblr account). But I'll try! (<-- this kind of statement that you've already heard for ages).

So to wrap this up, I, once again, want to try to live you up again because you've already cowering in the army for the past years. Let's lighten up together and make this as a perfect momentary of us. Give me a high kick, bloogy!

Unrelated snapshot just to make this post looks lively.

p.s. I want to tell you something that you wouldn't like this for sure. For a moment I want to change your domain address into another name (don't hit me yo) but maybe I should keep it later. Today Flavour is not bad for something created on 2007, right? :p

p.s.s. I'm not double checking so spit it out, grammarnazi. With pleasure!

Things I Missed the Most


Since the beginning I know that I would missed the hip of "writing-your-new-year-resolution". Things that I didn't expect : I'm writing this now on the last month of the first quarter.
Things I missed the most in the first quarter of 2017 : Dancing

So I did it and recorded it randomly, in the random place, in the random evening, and ofc with the random moves-more-like-yoga. Please bear with this randomness, my apology to you.

Guess bedroom is not a proper place to dance

At least I mark you up with this kind of post, event though it has no sense at all, I know it.
I'll dance you later, bye.

Are you building your immunity or torturing your mentality?


Welcome to the 03.00 a.m. mind blowing session of mine.
This is the topic that I wanted to write since last month, but you know me, right?
Yes, you are, thanks for your understanding bloogy.

"Are you building your immunity or torturing your mentality?"

This is one out of a million questions that she can't even answer.

You know, the hardest level of questions is now dominated by the question about ourselves. The one we understand the most yet the one we don't understand the most.

Back to the question, which is related with what happened to her lately.
Entering the phase of securing herself towards anything around, you know what she is doing and what will she do, right?

As predicted, she keeps placing the bricks on the invisible wall that she won't ever noticed. She doesn't know what is the purpose of wasting her time and energy by doing this repetitive and endless thing. Do you know what makes it even worse? She doesn't know why she keeps on doing this.

If she said, she is building her immunity, you know that she talks non-sense because the real thing is immunity can't be built by her. The thing she build is just a cover of it, so that she looks tough, strong, and well-prepared about severe things happened to her.

If she said, she is torturing her mentality, you know that she talks non-sense because the real thing is she is not ready with her mentality. The word "torturing" is just a cover of it, so that she doesn't look weak at all and well-prepared about severe things happened to her.

So, when you asked her about this question, you won't find any of "if(s)" I wrote before. Because she doesn't know it. Yet, maybe, or maybe won't ever.

Just don't ask her.


p.s. Another sleepless night, I hope that today I won't lose my focus.

Puzzle of Momentary


I know you missed it, the month that you proudly auctioned, the month that you willing to give it all.
I remember your call, when you said, "I'm gonna write something momentary at least at the end of September," and you never do it until D+7 (and now, D+12) you said so.
So cliche.

What actually you're doing?

You said it yourself. "I'm gonna visit you more often" or "I'm not gonna let you cold" or other sweet-sugar-coating talks you said. But you never want to talk about what are you doing right now --except typing a post-- like yes everybody knows that, and so?

Hence its already over, then let's make another way to leave some quarter life marks in here, so this is my statement :

I'm happy (and blessed) enough for getting a chance to feel sparks with different people and circles 12 days ago. Not expecting about anything, but anything happened on that day (or afterwards) was a contribution to complete this puzzle of momentary. So I would like to say thank you.. for all of you, for making it true, consciously or not.

Okay, so, let's wrap it sooner, because if it's not, I don't know when this post will be published.

Birthday Sweet Escape - This is a rare selfie moment! And no, I'm not that pathetic okay...
Censored so it won't hurt your eyes (and so that somebody can't make use of it)

Off I go, let's close this post by yelling the weird tag of yours.
Auction time, I'll give you my September!

Meanwhile it's already October......

((ok this is super weird, I'm signing out))

1/4 Hour to Wonderland


01:45 a.m

So, there was a blink of moment when you start to crush yourself into pieces and you're not even realized it. Or maybe you know it, but you give yourself all-sweet-candy-of-excuses, so that it's kind of fine for hurting yourself "a bit'" without feeling guilty.

Is it that good, even when it hurts, and there's no regret?

Then let me ask,
You or your time, which kind of part that you like to slash the most? Or maybe both, because that candy is somehow addicting and it has slowly become your heroin.

Welcome to the rehab.

A Minute

You clenched your teeth and you held it again.

Maybe it's the 9th times, or 10th, kinda hard to count since you do it in the short period of time. But from the small gestures that you made, it's pretty clear for me to get into this one conclusion : you might be just don't want to do this.

And it's okay.

Even though I've already know that it was on your tip of tongue --the crumpled paper with your democratic speech on it, I remained silent and not to look generous in front of you so that you'll be much more comfortable.

So this is how people look when they don't know how to say a thing.

You rolled your eyes and keep scratching your head even though it wasn't itchy. You take a deep breath and exhale it again. You blinked your eyes for the thousand times  and I guess I almost see a single tear over there... well, or you're just being sleepy (which is impossible anyway).

"Anyhow," I finally speaking.

You lifted up your head and still looks terrible. And wow, that eye bags, how many nights you've been up to? Or how many nights you're crying all this time?

"I'm not going to give you any advice or any sweet talks, so if you want to talk about anything that stuck inside your head, please do."

I saw your eyes start to get blurry.

"...Crying is allowed to, I guess?"

And you finally cried.