Welcoming New Life : Throwback 7 & 8 April 2018


It's been a (super!) while, right? And luckily it's not a year after my last post here.
Last year I told you about I got engaged. So, let me do a little throwback of my wedding moment, just to left path in here because you've been with me since 2007 (wow, more than 1 decade!). 
Before Akad
Before Akad
After Akad
Kirab Resepsi

Now, I''m enjoying my marriage life. And it's feels so amazing to (finally) found someone that you can annoy (and lean on to) for the rest of your life :)

Sasri & Mega 

p.s. Thank you for those who took their quality time to attend, also for those who send prayers at heart, I really appreciate it.

Well, Hey!

03.12.17 - 11:44 AM
I may never expect this kind of person.
But, this kind of moment is really worth to post.

Ego, Denial, Selfless.


(should be posted on September 22, 2017)

As a selfless person known by almost all of my long time friends, there's a point of denial where I can be a very egoistic person ever.

The resistance to always pleased others while still looking hella-fine can be such a troublesome. Sometimes you're tired with it, but you're insist to mark it okay because you think you can handle it (by hurting yourself -in the same time).

Then it becomes funny when you think you have something that you claim as yours --or someone whom you claim to be bonded with you.

Yes, who said a selfless person can't have any ego towards what's important to them? It's beyond your mind that an ego of a selfless person might be way bigger than you ever expect comparing to normal range of peeps.

Their ego about something/someone can be much more bigger than you ever thought because it's shown in silent. Yes, they almost never talked about it if they want to do/not to do something, or they want someone to do/not to do something. To keep their self esteem, they might be doing something underneath and still having the flattest expression you've usually seen. Like there's nothing happened and everything seems normal.

What's the underneath?
They end up with denial.

Denial is the natural survival instinct of our self esteem.
When it's in danger--or things happened contrary with your ego-- its alert system warns them to change the mind mode into denial, so the burning ego can be drenched just in sec.
Sounds easy isn't it?

"I don't like it when its happening. I want them to stay in here."
"But, if they're here, they might be feeling unhappy with it."
"Let's just let them go. Instead, I can handle my mind and do other things so that my mind wont stick into this probs again."

Towards myself,
I can see the glitches on yours. That's quite hurt, but you're still looking fine. Even when it hurts, you seem like having no regret with it, huh? Because you're basically a masochist.

And that's how you become a selfless person again.
Repeated, continuously until you dead.
Isn't that pathetically funny?

p.s. Maybe, just maybe, the glory of self-esteem is not always like we think it should be.

(Another) attempt of giving positive vibes towards myself


It's 02:00 a.m
I woke up because of the call about 2 hours ago and just let myself to wide awake up to now.
So, what kind of nonsense talk do you want to hear?

You know, whenever I wrote in here, I wrote to myself. I don't tend myself to write what to inspire others like people at my age normally wrote.
This kind of trash talk helps me a lot to make time for me --things that mostly forgotten because you're deeply drown with another 'priority' activities such as work, tasks, social life, etc.

When you're in the mode of getting a chance to set up your future turbulence, there's 100% possibility that you feel like you lost and had preference to go nowhere.
That's called, you've been spoiled by the guilty pleasure called comfort zone.

Somehow you feel burdened to step forward, although you're really want it. So, you keep staying there like a dead old fish. The perfect plan with bunch of alternatives you've made won't work if you're not throwing yourself into the water. You're not that weak to be called yourself as a coward, so just jump in it. Feel the dynamics, that's how the world works.

And never thought that you're gonna be alone to face it out. You've got people on your back, you've got God too. Throw away your dignity and ask them some support, if you need it. Don't act like you're the most independent person in the whole world. Hey, you're not superwoman... and it's absolutely okay to feel the need from others. You're not troublesome, you're just doing what's common for human. 

So, why you still feel worried too much?

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don't need (all I wanted)
And what I chase won't set me free (it's all I wanted)
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything's all wrong
Everything's all wrong
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
I take these things, so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose (all I wanted)
And all your luck's run out on you (all I wanted)
And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh, yeah
It's easy to forget
When you choke on the regrets
Who the hell did I think I was?

(Symphaty - Goo Goo Dolls)


Release the tense on your shoulders.
It's gonna be okay my dear.. you're not that weak.
Enjoy the turbulence!

p.s. Got myself some chocolate milk and I'm good to go to bed. Sleep well, fellas!

Auction time is calling and..

...this time, I admit, that time just seems to fly so fast.
The auction time is here (again) because I'll give you my September. Ya know? This blog slogan won't ever goes old, even when the meaning is so absurd, because I said it on my land of authority. Can I get a 'yay'? No?

Wait, now playing Daughtry - September because it just perfectly fit the moment.

Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain

Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

We knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
We would end up here the way we are
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how

(Daughtry - September)

Basically I'm gonna love song that related with September because I'm biased with this month. Don't judge me.
The things is, for keep getting another chance to live another year, I should feel blessed, we should.
I'm not gonna ask the pressuring questions like : What have you done for the past year? or What kind of last year achievement you really proud of?

Let's just be it.

Because churros completes theme park

p.s. Lately I've been replaying some old playlist because of nostalgic strikes me hard
p.s.s. It's good to remember and always be remembered by others, don't we?

Welcoming Sun-kissed!


Things are never been better when you try to include yourself in a program called self-healing. Improve yourself with something that makes you feel good, whether you learn something or throw yourself into self-satisfactory activities.

And I have soft spot for traveling tho... so 2 days before new adventure trip comin' forward!

Shot from my last trip in Bira. Anw that's hair not brown bushes.

p.s. Been a year, thought it was just yesterday. Never expected for being through it.

This past few days,


I realized that this brain of mine was full of things to be thought out and the mood was just stink like disaster. Even I confused about this free fall from the tip of my own eyes. I smell the turbulence and recast will come in short period of time.

Not a good instinct at all.

And for a while, I just want to forget all things that happened.

Aren't you just too afraid to lose your base of recall?


Say, you have unsustainable things that you want to keep the most.
If you wanna keep it, then you'll never want to swap it up with any other things.
That's normal things to do, acceptable as human being.

Yes, you try to remember it all but your-standard-human-brain-capacity just can't make it, except for a short recall that you called : re-type the words.

That's it. That's the moment when suddenly you want to re-read it again, just to ensure yourself that you (still) remember it.

And you feel that, right?
All you want is just to feel relieve.. that you still can remember it.

Towards the end of the post, I questioned myself :
Aren't you just too afraid to lose your base of recall?

p.s. Might be my first and last post in July, only if this melancholia is burned down today.

Low Boundary, High Tranquility


Half year is welcoming you already.
Are you still on the path that you think it's right? Or you realize that you've been walking on the track that you think it's wrong?
When you got the answer, will you still go straight or turn your back on?
Then when you go with your assured way, are you feeling insecure?

This is about how you set a low boundary to get the high level of tranquility.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a very high expectation among things around you, but, trust me, for specific things happens in your life -- you may thought that it would be better to keep it low.

I'm not saying that keeping it low would be easy, yet sometimes it hurts more and you have no other choice rather than doing it as normal as possible. (Wo-hoo I smell faker...no?)

By setting your level of boundary in low position, you won't expect something that you really want to expect but has minus level of possibility.
In the end, you'll consider it as an extra if it surpassing your boundary.
And you'll be happier, besides getting the tranquility.
Isn't that great?

N-level for keeping it low

p.s. Note for people who have weak level of tolerance and strong demand of being a self-centered, I'm sorry but we're at the different side of handling something like this.



Deep down, it keep haunting you and sometimes it hurts even just a bit.. right? Unconsciously.
In the end, you remain still and stay being dust in the parallel universe. Unseen and unreachable.

You said that you're just missing the moment.
Are you sure you don't want to turning back, while you still can?

This is the state of inertia, vice versa.

Swing back or forth