Ego, Denial, Selfless.


(should be posted on September 22, 2017)

As a selfless person known by almost all of my long time friends, there's a point of denial where I can be a very egoistic person ever.

The resistance to always pleased others while still looking hella-fine can be such a troublesome. Sometimes you're tired with it, but you're insist to mark it okay because you think you can handle it (by hurting yourself -in the same time).

Then it becomes funny when you think you have something that you claim as yours --or someone whom you claim to be bonded with you.

Yes, who said a selfless person can't have any ego towards what's important to them? It's beyond your mind that an ego of a selfless person might be way bigger than you ever expect comparing to normal range of peeps.

Their ego about something/someone can be much more bigger than you ever thought because it's shown in silent. Yes, they almost never talked about it if they want to do/not to do something, or they want someone to do/not to do something. To keep their self esteem, they might be doing something underneath and still having the flattest expression you've usually seen. Like there's nothing happened and everything seems normal.

What's the underneath?
They end up with denial.

Denial is the natural survival instinct of our self esteem.
When it's in danger--or things happened contrary with your ego-- its alert system warns them to change the mind mode into denial, so the burning ego can be drenched just in sec.
Sounds easy isn't it?

"I don't like it when its happening. I want them to stay in here."
"But, if they're here, they might be feeling unhappy with it."
"Let's just let them go. Instead, I can handle my mind and do other things so that my mind wont stick into this probs again."

Towards myself,
I can see the glitches on yours. That's quite hurt, but you're still looking fine. Even when it hurts, you seem like having no regret with it, huh? Because you're basically a masochist.

And that's how you become a selfless person again.
Repeated, continuously until you dead.
Isn't that pathetically funny?

p.s. Maybe, just maybe, the glory of self-esteem is not always like we think it should be.

0 comment(s):