The Sudden Reason

HELLO

It's been (almost) 1 year.
Maybe the longest time I left you cold, don't you agree, bloogy? I owe you an apology for this.

Actually, I've prepared a draft, maybe the longest draft I've ever written, to be posted here as the commemorate of this blog hiatus for (almost) 1 year. But, maybe it can wait later, because I want to write other things, which is absolutely different from what I've done for the past year.

(Pardon for any grammatical error, as I wrote it in one go and just leave it as it is -- the monologue)

Before we go, there are some sudden reasons for me to write (and post -- not just write and then save it as a draft) in here are : whether I am extremely happy/excited, or in the mood of pouring the mind blows, or deep down depressed, or confusing about something, or feeling somehow sad, or thinking writing the story is better than sharing it to anyone, or the most undefined reason : because I want to.

By having the condition as I mentioned above, the process of writing is going to be as fast as running away from things that make you scared. You don't have to think twice to fix it, because you're going to feel better for writing in a non-stop flow.

What do you think the sudden reason for this time?

So what's on my mind is,
Sometimes there are times when you feel that you're not alive, or you choose not to be alive that day.
You want to wake up even though you've already regained your consciousness, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to redo the time and fix things you did, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to gather your guts and feelings because you think you lost it today, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to erase the regret a second after you turn your back and walk away, so that you think you're gonna be alive today.

Relying your "thinking" to make you feel alive, no one could say whether it's true or not. Because we have a different way of thinking, each of us, as a human being. And that's understandable.
You can choose to follow your thinking and skip your feeling, or follow your feeling and skip your thinking, or just follow both of them. No one could say whether it's true or not. And that's understandable.

Regardless of the complexity blabbering that I wrote just now, giving your thinking & feeling towards a person is not an easy thing to do, at least for some people. Due respect and appreciation, sometimes you choose to give both of your thinking & feeling towards a person, while not all people would even get a chance to get your consideration (because you cut it down even before you start to think).

You want to give it all, the thinking and feeling, so that you can grab the faith, your own faith. Surely, it takes time, because each person has a different limit of time when the time is always the same. You never know when the time of your faith will finally come. So don't force yourself to regain the faith. The faith is already there, but it's not their time to come up yet. Time has its powers. All you can do is just speak for that matter, what you really think and what you really feel right now.

You want to give your best thinking and feeling towards this person. But, if it doesn't work out, that's okay, because maybe this person deserves someone better than you or maybe the times hasn't come out yet. And that's understandable.

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I still want to type, but it's almost dawn right now and these eyes can't hold it anymore.