Are you happy?

HELLO

Start to breathe and fake a smile

It's all the same after a while

(Come Back Down - Lifehouse)

***

The lyrics of the song above is sound familiar with someone's life, guess you know who is it.
So, I see people around me are so happy with their life. Seeing others' happiness is an awesome thing, you can feel it that they're happy, and I like it, I appreciate it.
But let's ask the basic question to yourself,

"Are you happy now?"

What would you answer? Are you really that happy?

"You're not forcing yourself to be happy, don't you?"


What would you answer? Are you forcing yourself, to be happy?

Well just answer it, If you sure enough, it's not hard answer questions type.
If you're happy, be grateful. If not, everyone deserves to be happy.
We deserve it, I deserve it.
And you too, you deserve to be happy.
So, please.

p.s. Yes I'm happy, but no, maybe I'm not.

August Sarcasm

HELLO


Well, I leave July with out celebration at all.
Past few days is just like a catastrophe. For 2 sleepless days, for 2 skeptical days, for another day which just like little bugs crawling inside your head.
Boredom.
Boredom.
Got my banana milk, flung my self on sofa, open the laptop, and wear glasses. I left Enterprise Architect, I left Pinnacle, I left Word, just you.
Read my blog list, and I found it on my friend's blog :


"Living with you, such as breathing only with carbon dioxide."
(ASB, 2009)


He said that it was his sadness quotation, but I think sarcasm is suit better and depend on who said it.
No wonder if the reply is, "Same here. You're not the only one who breath only with carbon dioxide."
Knock out.

Image source : Google

What we breath, is it really oxygen? or carbon dioxide coated with oxygen?
Nevertheless, who cares?


p.s. No offense, August.

Who is the Main Actor?

HELLO


Middle of the night, open my Reca to send email to some friends.
Then I stuck in this,


"Every time you complain about your life, remember you're not the only one who has problems. Everybody does."
-Wilson Kanadi


Absolutely agree.
Nowadays people always think that they're the main actor of life. Dramatic life, assume that you are the most suffer peep with your huge problems, egoism among other, assume something without confirmation, social life publicity, hiding in your comfort zone, etc.


While the fact is, yes, maybe you are the main actor on stage named "your world".
But, you know people? You're only a supporting actor on the other stage. Or maybe you're nothing.
Don't ever think that it has to be you. It's not always about you.
So why you don't even care?

p.s. Judgement, who said? This is a self-reflection. And a simple satire for you, who read this.

Thousands of Papers

HELLO


This weekend I'm home to be with family when Ramadhan is coming.
Happy fasting for those who's celebrate it :)
Yesterday I've become a tester for the new product in my family clinic.
And now, I'm sorting thousands of papers for my dad's dissertation. Sorting it, grouping it, writing the title of notes, then packing it.
Thousands of papers about medical, cancer, cell, nicotine, free radicals, etc. Doing this somehow make me remember about my old passion was, being a doctor. Haha forget that.

Thousands of papers

Well, It's still 9.408 papers remaining, wish me luck!


p.s. But, by that thousands of papers, how many trees needed? :(

iTunes Memories Playlist

HELLO


"Deadline is on Monday evening, please send it to my e-mail."


He leave after he said it, my mentor.
Open the laptop, open Enterprise Architect, Open SQL Development, Open Microsoft Word, open Chrome, and always, open iTunes.

Talking about iTunes, there is one special playlist on there.
Obviously, it's a playlist contains tracks with some memories behind it.
The count for one song is approximately more than 100.
Simply, it's a song that -maybe- I won't be bored to listen it. But -maybe- for some song, I won't ever hear it again after the event.
Here some that trapped in my playlist, I give you randomly 10 of them :

• Iridescent - Linkin Park
• Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
• I Miss You - Blink 182
• Tonight - FM Static
• Wherever You Will Go - The Calling
• You and Me - Lifehouse
• Emily - From First to Last
• Somebody That I Used to Know - Walk Off the Earth (Gotye cover)
• Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
• The Saddest Song - The Ataris

Maybe we have the same song to remember?

Or maybe we have the same story behind?

Let me hear.

p.s. Some of it yes, about people. Some of it just about pieces of life. Some of it is good to remember, while the other is not.

Shut Down

HELLO


Daily work routines.
Somehow you'll feel bored or stuck about your assignments then doing sort kind of distraction like what I did below.

Is it possible not to sit down in front of your laptop for at least 8 hours on work then still continue the rest at home?
I need some fresh air.
And you too, I'll shut you down soon. Don't worry.


p.s. Celebrate for everyday milk, from banana to vanilla, from peach to mango. One shot bottle, please.

Have you ever write your own song?

HELLO


I admit that I have no talent in music, but I'm interested in it.
The one I respect the most is people who can create a great song.
Maybe a lot of artist could sing well, but have you ever wonder how to create that piece of song?
There must be some of your favorite songs and some of it reflects you perfectly.

Have you ever write your own song?


Inspired by Ihcod Agedas, I started to make my own song.
When I was in high school I made my first amateur bad-stupid song.
I didn't give it a name, I didn't record it, I lost the chord note, and I forgot the lyrics.
What I remember is it started in C and it's about -ehm, stupid love song. (yeah, I hear your laugh, go with it)
Totally a mess.


Then I create another songs.
About friends, unspoken one, life, losing friends (most painful one) , stupid love again, birthday, rain, anything, etc
Some of it, I just make it for myself and the other is for some people out there.
I wrote the lyrics, I try it on guitar and keyboard, I recorded it on my phone. But now it's all lost because I lost my memory card, haha.


Writing a song is just like writing you, dear bloogy.
I told a story but with different way.
And just like a song from Something About Lola : The Best Part of Writing A Song is to Named It, you know what's my pleasure in writing a song.


And.. what was my song like?
Terrible, you won't ever hear it. Gladly it was deleted. Bad voice, amateur guitar - keyboard skill, noise everywhere.
You know that I have no talent in music, right? haha
I think you could make a better one. Are you interested?
It would be an honor for me to hear a song that made by yourself, totally respect it.


p.s. Maybe, just maybe, I'll make a song again, after all.

Dear Faker,

Faker was no longer able to continue, to run away, when she actually stay in this place.
Not moving, time is moving.
Overshadowed by a sense of fellow, human nature, symphaty.
Where should she run? Or should she shout to the world that the biggest faker is in here?
She lied to her self, she shatter her own happiness because she couldn't see that person crushed.


Faker, you just afraid.
You think that it will repeat the worst incidence of 3,5 years ago.
That person has friends who are your friends too. You're in one circle.
When you losing a circle of friends as the compensation for end it up with that person, speaking to tell the truth.
You lose it, you lose the world which you won't ever let it go, until now, and never come back as what it seems.
Being excluded from a circle, irritate sights, bad thoughts, painful words, all.
Since then, you're extremely afraid of losing friends.
Speaking the truth or losing friends, only that in your mind.
You avoids conflict because you know that every conflict starts, you can't wipe away those tears, you're officially weak. You're officially a faker.



Hey, faker.
When will you stop?

Malcolm Gladwell's

HELLO


He loves books.
He has private library on his house. When he buy books, it must be at least five books. His favorite books is all kind of books, especially religion, medical, technology, biography, law, war, revolver, history, prognosis, Javanesse myth, world issue, fish, etc etc, all kind! His room and desk is full of books. He often confused to put off his books because no place left.


Dad is a person who always encourages me to read books more and more. A person who will be so happy and willing to waste money for books.
And here's some books bought by him on the Book Fair last Sunday, thanks Dad :)


Written by Malcolm Gladwell, 4 books of International Best Seller -they said.
The Tipping Point, Blink, Outliers, and What the Dog Saw.
I remember my conversation with Budi Pratomo that night, he loves Gladwell so much and he told me a lot about it within an hour until I finished my dinner and he wasn't. He recommended it, and kak Pepew too.
I heard that my Mom is getting interest with it. I'll prove it after finished read it later.

The Tipping Point (2000)

Blink (2005)

Outliers (2008)

What the Dog Saw (2009)

Maybe some of you've already read it?

Reading time, don't be bored!

p.s. Can you guess how much books in my house?

Banana Milk, Kiwi & Strawberry

HELLO


Since I started Internship with Sume and Riza, beside bring food for lunch, almost everyday I prepare fresh fruit for us as morning snack while Riza or Sume prepare Jelly/Pudding for dessert.
I don't know if this is really internship or Hunger Game.
Today's fruit is Kiwi and Strawberry.
Eat well, work well.

Kiwi & Strawberry

And it could be a perfect day for having Banana Milk this morning.

My favorite flavor since I was 7, but it's kind of hard to found nowadays.

But yesterday I found it at Ranch Market and can't resist my self to buy it although it's kind of expensive (just once!).

Banana Milk :)

Good luck for you who is in internship too. It will end soon so please be patient :)


p.s. Don't be ashamed for bring your own food to your workplace, it's common thing.

Don't be like me, I'm not that worth.

HELLO


(This post should be published on May 9th 2012)
Double post on the same day, must be something happened, right?
Yes, you always got it right.
This evening, I've a talk with my closest person. It's been an age since the last time we met.
From that short conversation, I got some points.


With your friends said, "don't be like her," to your closest person, what's your response?
Still didn't get it? Oh well.
Her = me. Don't be like me.
They said, don't be like me.
Is there any reason? Yes.
They said, I'm changed.
They said, I've found another place to stay.
They said, I'm not the old me.
They said, don't be like me.


What's next?
Would they said, "who is she?" instead of "don't be like her" ?


People changed, just like the world.
What is it, finding another place to stay, it's a common sense, you found your zone that suits you.
Do you mind to stay forever at your place?
There must be a reason why I 'leave', and no, all your guess was wrong.
You wanna know the reason? Ask her. Yes, the one who you said not to be like me. Whether you try to ask or not, she won't answer.
Do I have to say the reason here? No, man. I think you've grown enough to understand this blurry situation.
......


**************


Okay, so it's been 17 days after, and I'm already forgot about what I want to write there.
Short-term memory case, people.
What I want to write now is...


It's your rights, my friends, to said that kind of things. I don't have any rights to be angry about that.
Not to be me, not to be like anyone is just a matter of choice. Better if I heard, to be yourself, not to be anyone else. So I'm sorry, for ever write this kind of things too.
Do you read my post now? You can see yourself there, right? haha
No offense, peace on you all :)
And please still be my friends, ok. I hate losing friends.


p.s. I hate losing friends, I have experiences about it and no, better you don't.

Bestfriend of mine

HELLO


It's 3 a.m.
Trying to sleep, but no use. Exam on Friday morning, but seems like I have no intention to open the slides.
No, I won't write such a mello-dramatic post like what I did in the past 2 months.
Weak and disappointing, I know, you know, we know.
Read it again and I'll delete all the archives.


So, what the hell I am doing right now?


Staying up all night?
Do you think that staying up all night is a cool thing or something? Maybe you'll miss the day without sleeping pills after you have your insomnia.


Writing inspirational post?
What, wait, who? No such an inspirational post here. Red cross on the right top of your screen, go click it. My suggestion.


Thinking about unthought things?
Well, not now, Sir. I have that moment in the other time.


Crying?
With someone said, "I don't believe in tears. So stop crying," in front of you, do you still mind to cry?


Do nothing?
At least, I'm typing.


Go sleep.
A moment.


I'll count until 3.
Mind to make it 10?


1..2..
3. Done.


Just go to your bed or..
Break the wall with my head to see how stubborn I am.


We should make a deal.
You think?


Kind of.
Surprise me.


I'll go for the real.
Don't.


Say it.
What to say?


It must be fun to be like this all day, huh?
Like it seems.


Seems to be.
You believe?


No.
As I thought.


You need it.
No one can.


Me.
I'll talk to my self so people gets me crazy.


Hey, it's you and me.
It's me after all.
.
Sorry.
What for?


To make you don't have any courage to "talk" with anybody except me and God.
So, it's not anybody. You're in.


Have a sleep, for real.
Maybe I won't say no.


And remember, your previous post is not weak and disappointing. It's your rights, your free land is here, don't listen what they say about your post. You look weak for sometimes, doesn't mean that it's a failure.


Don't expect too much, who's into you anyway? who's understand you? No one. No one have it. You're hated, free, independent, you're gonna be okay with it.


Limited time, I'll see you in a better way.


***


In the end, all I want to do is...just outpouring my mind.
With anyone, who can understand.
Although there is no one, except me and God.

Another wish list

HELLO

Since junior high school, i have interest in photo-editting.
As you know that my favorite effects is Monochrome/BW and polaroid.
This is one of my wish list since long, long time ago :

Fujifilm Instax Mini 7s Polaroid White

I'll purchase it with my own money after the internship period on Asyst.

Promise my self.

Very first coffee

HELLO


I don't really like coffee.
Frequently staying up all night doesn't make me become a coffee-addict.
And this is my very first coffee this year, or maybe last 2 years.

Like its name, and just like usual coffee taste.
Bitter.
Indeed.


p.s. If it wasn't for that reason, maybe I won't drink it.

First, second, and third.

HELLO



First,
I miss writing.
Sorry for let you cold, bloogy. There's some reason why I didn't write here for a long time.
Some of its content isn't for publicity.


Second,
Guess I need to get out from this self-conflict.
How long you could restrain it?
You don't have to restrain it for the others' desire.
You deserve to get your freedom, your own freedom.


Third,
I need my heroin.
And the heroin is courage.
And the courage is still being restrained.
And that's why I miss writing.

p.s. Maybe, just maybe, running away has many new names today. -NH

The painting is haven't finished yet,

and no, it won't ever finished.

Well, this is "hello replacement" for the usual first line.

Dear red velvet

HELLO


Rare time for you, dear bloogy. We stuck in the harsh evening.
So both of them went to DC this morning for about 2 weeks. Enjoy! :)
And what's on my mind is just a Red Velvet Cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcake.

...One bite, please?


p.s. Well, I'm in Indonesia. Maybe I should go to 90 Gourmet for it.

There's a time when you think about the unthought things

HELLO

***

Taken by : Disderi 3 lens robocam

"It's your third year,"

It blows me sometimes. I never wonder that time flies so fast. Just like yesterday I started my freshmen's year continued with sophomore, but now I'm already at this point.

"It's your third year, what have you done?"

What I have done?

Not a lot but does little.

"It's your third year, what have you done? Are you satisfied?"

No, definitely no.

College life is too short to make me satisfied.

"It's your third year, what have you done? Are you satisfied? Then?"

Why then?

I've already here, waiting for the next pit stop of my life.

***

That short monologue is just one of many about the unthought things.

Why I said, 'unthought'?

There's a time when you think about the unthought things.

For example, me, when almost everyday, I walk to my living place, late at night, almost early morning, alone.

That's the time when the 'unthought things' comes up.

It can be about everything. Main problem, life, family, friends, anybody, hopes, dreams, failures, tomorrow's plan, rain, sadness, etc etc

Any random pick is welcome at the time.

I ignored the cars, rain, people, prankster, I ignored anything around. Just walk in usual route, 10 minutes from campus, and then I arrived.

Maybe for you it has no meaning at all, but it's like a reminder for me, about anything that I forgot before.

Part of subconscious is leading in this time. I enter a different world of mind.

You need to think about the unthought things or just leave it in your short-memory and then disappear.

Well, you prove it.

p.s. So, do you have the time, when you think about your unthought things?

Restrain is doesn't enough

HELLO


...And we meet in the middle of night again, disappointed?
You can take a deep breath because I won't be so long crashing you with my unspeakable chit-chat.
I'm in the middle of deadlines-weekend deadlines- for sure.
So I take my time for a while, here with you, release the force then go back to work.


My dear bloogy,
Your guess is right, satisfied?
I'm talkin' about that, restrain is not effective. I'm trying, but still it didn't work well.
I wonder why, is it that superb so not that easy to erase all things, what we've talk, what we've done before?
I never wonder why is it that hard to make it neutral.
Or because the denial came from presence of mind.
But, for God sake, I don't have any other choice except release all the things.
Restrain is doesn't enough.


Okay, deadlines is waiting.
Smell ya later.




p.s. I just don't want to ruin it all, my friend. Even though we've already know what's between.

Unconscious

HELLO


Well, it's been a long time since my last writing. Are you feeling well, bloogy?
Now I'm waiting for the next class then I remember you.


Just a random think.
Which one you prefer to choose? You being rude to others just for once then you free OR you sink forever in guilty and no one will be hurt (except you).
If I could, I want to let it go. But it's not as easy when you said, "Please, let me go." then it's over? No. Not that easy.


Force your self not to claim your reality is the same when you said, "No, I don't like it," or "No, it won't be." while you've already know the truth.
Keeping your mind by yourself isn't that easy, sometimes you want to share it but that's mean you've ready to crush it all.


So, who's better to be hurt?
No one? What a cliche.
Please don't just stay in your imagination that everything will be all right forever. Yes, I ever said that line, but for this condition, no, it won't be all right.


So, what I said just now? Wow I wrote it unconsciously.
Forget it, my class is about to start now.