"A person should prefer to leave, to make the other one can stay in a circle comfortably."
---
Or not?
Because I'm leaving.
"Where have you been?"
(End of September, 2015)
I'm still here. Distortedly alive.
Just like when you release a bunch of balloons.
They might be one at first and they should be proud of leaving with a round of applause.
Splendid.
Some might burst before it flies.
Some might go into the same pathway, and some just don't.
Some might just act avoiding for each other, and some just don't.
People who unfriending in the real life or social media life, is just another part of this crap.
By leaving the earth, they think that, this is their freedom from catastrophe.
The reality is they just enter another one of league battle, alone -or with another survivor(s).
We don't need your formality, Sir.
Any words worth your tip of tongue.
If you don't mean it, don't say it.
As easy as you did, dear sarcasm.
Speaking About Madness
HELLO
Speaking about getting mad, I never remembered how it was, or how it feels. The only thing I remember is the feeling of holding your madness.
It was like something burn your chest and then it comes up to choke your throat, but you can't burst it out. After that, the heat starts to spread into your face and that's why you can't lift up your cheekbone. Is it done? Nope. Here comes the boiling brain that would make you think that there's a baby kicking your 'womb' when you're not pregnant and that's where the irrational thinking comes from.
And no, I'm not getting mad here, nor holding madness.
All I can see is a person is getting mad and the other one is holding it. Right over there, in the corner of my eyes.
It's 8 p.m., both of you are sitting in a fancy cafe, unfinished yummy meals on the table, and the music is so bright.
Why you should mad, people?
p.s. Another mind blown. Don't worry, I'm trying to catch up my promise for giving you an overview.
Speaking about getting mad, I never remembered how it was, or how it feels. The only thing I remember is the feeling of holding your madness.
It was like something burn your chest and then it comes up to choke your throat, but you can't burst it out. After that, the heat starts to spread into your face and that's why you can't lift up your cheekbone. Is it done? Nope. Here comes the boiling brain that would make you think that there's a baby kicking your 'womb' when you're not pregnant and that's where the irrational thinking comes from.
And no, I'm not getting mad here, nor holding madness.
All I can see is a person is getting mad and the other one is holding it. Right over there, in the corner of my eyes.
It's 8 p.m., both of you are sitting in a fancy cafe, unfinished yummy meals on the table, and the music is so bright.
Why you should mad, people?
p.s. Another mind blown. Don't worry, I'm trying to catch up my promise for giving you an overview.
The Sudden Reason
HELLO
It's been (almost) 1 year.
Maybe the longest time I left you cold, don't you agree, bloogy? I owe you an apology for this.
Actually, I've prepared a draft, maybe the longest draft I've ever written, to be posted here as the commemorate of this blog hiatus for (almost) 1 year. But, maybe it can wait later, because I want to write other things, which is absolutely different from what I've done for the past year.
(Pardon for any grammatical error, as I wrote it in one go and just leave it as it is -- the monologue)
Before we go, there are some sudden reasons for me to write (and post -- not just write and then save it as a draft) in here are : whether I am extremely happy/excited, or in the mood of pouring the mind blows, or deep down depressed, or confusing about something, or feeling somehow sad, or thinking writing the story is better than sharing it to anyone, or the most undefined reason : because I want to.
By having the condition as I mentioned above, the process of writing is going to be as fast as running away from things that make you scared. You don't have to think twice to fix it, because you're going to feel better for writing in a non-stop flow.
What do you think the sudden reason for this time?
So what's on my mind is,
Sometimes there are times when you feel that you're not alive, or you choose not to be alive that day.
You want to wake up even though you've already regained your consciousness, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to redo the time and fix things you did, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to gather your guts and feelings because you think you lost it today, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to erase the regret a second after you turn your back and walk away, so that you think you're gonna be alive today.
Relying your "thinking" to make you feel alive, no one could say whether it's true or not. Because we have a different way of thinking, each of us, as a human being. And that's understandable.
You can choose to follow your thinking and skip your feeling, or follow your feeling and skip your thinking, or just follow both of them. No one could say whether it's true or not. And that's understandable.
Regardless of the complexity blabbering that I wrote just now, giving your thinking & feeling towards a person is not an easy thing to do, at least for some people. Due respect and appreciation, sometimes you choose to give both of your thinking & feeling towards a person, while not all people would even get a chance to get your consideration (because you cut it down even before you start to think).
You want to give it all, the thinking and feeling, so that you can grab the faith, your own faith. Surely, it takes time, because each person has a different limit of time when the time is always the same. You never know when the time of your faith will finally come. So don't force yourself to regain the faith. The faith is already there, but it's not their time to come up yet. Time has its powers. All you can do is just speak for that matter, what you really think and what you really feel right now.
You want to give your best thinking and feeling towards this person. But, if it doesn't work out, that's okay, because maybe this person deserves someone better than you or maybe the times hasn't come out yet. And that's understandable.
---
I still want to type, but it's almost dawn right now and these eyes can't hold it anymore.
It's been (almost) 1 year.
Maybe the longest time I left you cold, don't you agree, bloogy? I owe you an apology for this.
Actually, I've prepared a draft, maybe the longest draft I've ever written, to be posted here as the commemorate of this blog hiatus for (almost) 1 year. But, maybe it can wait later, because I want to write other things, which is absolutely different from what I've done for the past year.
(Pardon for any grammatical error, as I wrote it in one go and just leave it as it is -- the monologue)
Before we go, there are some sudden reasons for me to write (and post -- not just write and then save it as a draft) in here are : whether I am extremely happy/excited, or in the mood of pouring the mind blows, or deep down depressed, or confusing about something, or feeling somehow sad, or thinking writing the story is better than sharing it to anyone, or the most undefined reason : because I want to.
By having the condition as I mentioned above, the process of writing is going to be as fast as running away from things that make you scared. You don't have to think twice to fix it, because you're going to feel better for writing in a non-stop flow.
What do you think the sudden reason for this time?
So what's on my mind is,
Sometimes there are times when you feel that you're not alive, or you choose not to be alive that day.
You want to wake up even though you've already regained your consciousness, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to redo the time and fix things you did, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to gather your guts and feelings because you think you lost it today, so that you think you're gonna be alive today. You want to erase the regret a second after you turn your back and walk away, so that you think you're gonna be alive today.
Relying your "thinking" to make you feel alive, no one could say whether it's true or not. Because we have a different way of thinking, each of us, as a human being. And that's understandable.
You can choose to follow your thinking and skip your feeling, or follow your feeling and skip your thinking, or just follow both of them. No one could say whether it's true or not. And that's understandable.
Regardless of the complexity blabbering that I wrote just now, giving your thinking & feeling towards a person is not an easy thing to do, at least for some people. Due respect and appreciation, sometimes you choose to give both of your thinking & feeling towards a person, while not all people would even get a chance to get your consideration (because you cut it down even before you start to think).
You want to give it all, the thinking and feeling, so that you can grab the faith, your own faith. Surely, it takes time, because each person has a different limit of time when the time is always the same. You never know when the time of your faith will finally come. So don't force yourself to regain the faith. The faith is already there, but it's not their time to come up yet. Time has its powers. All you can do is just speak for that matter, what you really think and what you really feel right now.
You want to give your best thinking and feeling towards this person. But, if it doesn't work out, that's okay, because maybe this person deserves someone better than you or maybe the times hasn't come out yet. And that's understandable.
---
I still want to type, but it's almost dawn right now and these eyes can't hold it anymore.
Detonator
HELLO
Leaving some steps in August before I forget it later.
You have a second.
Life is pretty good, because it should be. Grenade is on my right hand and time is ticking. It has the word 'thesis' as the fright cover, but it looks pretty good. You hold a time bomb in your left hand while the detonator is yourself. It is also pretty good.
You have a second.
Red color has already dominated the eyesight, I lost the yellow too fast.
Wrong.
Wrong because the fact is I threw it away just like the green one.
And now it turns into red, a red grenade. A red grenade that sticks in my hand, a red time bomb on the left, and detonator in my head.
You have a second.
The thing is,
..how to defuse.
Leaving some steps in August before I forget it later.
You have a second.
Life is pretty good, because it should be. Grenade is on my right hand and time is ticking. It has the word 'thesis' as the fright cover, but it looks pretty good. You hold a time bomb in your left hand while the detonator is yourself. It is also pretty good.
You have a second.
Red color has already dominated the eyesight, I lost the yellow too fast.
Wrong.
Wrong because the fact is I threw it away just like the green one.
And now it turns into red, a red grenade. A red grenade that sticks in my hand, a red time bomb on the left, and detonator in my head.
You have a second.
The thing is,
..how to defuse.
I don't like coffee, but I need caffeine
HELLO
A quotation from Preet Bharara which represent me somehow.
Somehow people prefers coffee as their daily cup, or for the night drinks when they are struggling with something, or just as their side companion in their leisure times.
Somehow people prefers tea, almost has the same reason with coffee, but it has more universal usages, like normally you serves tea when someone comes to your house and I think women prefers tea more than men.
I'm not into the coffee or you can say that I'm not a coffee drinker, even it's just light coffee like cappuccino or caffe latte (which contains more milk and foam than coffee itself). It applies also for tea.
Why suddenly I brought up issue about coffee?
Well, I think I know the biggest obstruction that I always done lately is... I often falls asleep in the middle of the night while doing my works. Once fall asleep then it's over. After doing my daily activities, I can sleep 5-7 hours in peace just like nothing important to do. Such a dumb baby sleep, even though it's good for your health (but ofc not good for your works).
Coffee is like an alcohol for me, same case with soda/carbonated drink. Others said, try to drink glasses of water or eat an apple or eat vitamin C or sit properly in the table orapplying balm under your eye bags. I've tried all, but it has no effect because I still can sleep easily, wow simply amazing.
I don't want to stay up late for doing my works if only I could do it without forcing myself to stay up late, but I have no choice. That's why I think I need caffeine or anything that can help me to stay awake.
p.s. Not checking the grammar because I'm too lazy to do it, so bye whatever. Happy fasting and don't sleep easily!
A quotation from Preet Bharara which represent me somehow.
Somehow people prefers coffee as their daily cup, or for the night drinks when they are struggling with something, or just as their side companion in their leisure times.
Somehow people prefers tea, almost has the same reason with coffee, but it has more universal usages, like normally you serves tea when someone comes to your house and I think women prefers tea more than men.
I'm not into the coffee or you can say that I'm not a coffee drinker, even it's just light coffee like cappuccino or caffe latte (which contains more milk and foam than coffee itself). It applies also for tea.
Why suddenly I brought up issue about coffee?
Well, I think I know the biggest obstruction that I always done lately is... I often falls asleep in the middle of the night while doing my works. Once fall asleep then it's over. After doing my daily activities, I can sleep 5-7 hours in peace just like nothing important to do. Such a dumb baby sleep, even though it's good for your health (but ofc not good for your works).
Coffee is like an alcohol for me, same case with soda/carbonated drink. Others said, try to drink glasses of water or eat an apple or eat vitamin C or sit properly in the table or
I don't want to stay up late for doing my works if only I could do it without forcing myself to stay up late, but I have no choice. That's why I think I need caffeine or anything that can help me to stay awake.
p.s. Not checking the grammar because I'm too lazy to do it, so bye whatever. Happy fasting and don't sleep easily!
If living in lies is easier for you, then please do.
HELLO
You are suppose to be surprised because it hasn't been a month since the last time I step in here. Indonesia is full of political and World Cup issues right now. I'm not a big fan of football, but politics, to be specific. Well, it doesn't mean that I have a deep interest in politics, but it affects me in a different way (working forces).
Recently, I admire this kind of answer. It comes from Polarlight and I've already posted it on my other site. It happened between a 'light' debate about something. Then when the other side was starting to become out of reality, she said:
"If living in lies is easier for you, then please do. I have no right to stop you."
Deep, sharp, and stab perfectly.
Somehow, people only see it as just another typical answer. But for me, it's like a slap right on my face. I'm not saying that everything I did was lies, but I won't against it all too. Fake is something that I could do easily (in the past time, -and now too). Then I found out that being a faker is just like a social climber. They found that they're awesome, but actually they're just embarrassing themselves and they didn't realize it. Being a faker is hurt. It is this hurt.
After all, it comes back with the answer. Which one do you think is easier?
I won't say that I will choose to live in the world-with-100%-lies-free. But, if I seem too far away and drown back in lies, then just do tell and please stop me.
p.s. The target is set, 2 months (max!) started from now.
You are suppose to be surprised because it hasn't been a month since the last time I step in here. Indonesia is full of political and World Cup issues right now. I'm not a big fan of football, but politics, to be specific. Well, it doesn't mean that I have a deep interest in politics, but it affects me in a different way (
Recently, I admire this kind of answer. It comes from Polarlight and I've already posted it on my other site. It happened between a 'light' debate about something. Then when the other side was starting to become out of reality, she said:
"If living in lies is easier for you, then please do. I have no right to stop you."
Deep, sharp, and stab perfectly.
Somehow, people only see it as just another typical answer. But for me, it's like a slap right on my face. I'm not saying that everything I did was lies, but I won't against it all too. Fake is something that I could do easily (in the past time, -and now too). Then I found out that being a faker is just like a social climber. They found that they're awesome, but actually they're just embarrassing themselves and they didn't realize it. Being a faker is hurt. It is this hurt.
After all, it comes back with the answer. Which one do you think is easier?
I won't say that I will choose to live in the world-with-100%-lies-free. But, if I seem too far away and drown back in lies, then just do tell and please stop me.
p.s. The target is set, 2 months (max!) started from now.
Not a big fan of bread, but I'll drive my way to Komugi Boulangerie
HELLO
Wow, one post a month. What a "beautiful" monthly dose. Is it proper enough?
Let's start a quick review about what I've done in the past month. Well, let's just passed theboring routines too (read : works and my sweetest thesis thingy).
Aaand the first highlight on May, absolutely, is Car Driving License! Woohoo~
Yeap I, who taught that herself would end up on the passenger seat forever, got it finally! And that's it. Bonus for the pic that coming out pretty good, which is not too dark or oily skin everywhere.
The second highlight is....Komugi Boulangerie. It's a Japanesse-French bakery located inside Papaya Fresh Gallery, Sukajadi Bandung. How it become a highlight? Well, I pass that place almost everyday on my way to work. Because I'm that kind of person who almost ignore (or forget) about breakfast, I often take steps in there to bought something for my tummy. And that's when the addiction begin.
I won't write a review about Komugi, because you can find a lot of it on Mr. Google :) But the words "Hygienic-Healthy-Butter Used-Worth Pricing-Extremely Delicious-Multi Variant-One Day Bread" could resume it all. Oh, and you'll get 5% member disc every weekdays, 10% member disc every weekend, and 30% disc for the purchase > 9 p.m. everyday.
Not-too-short post as usual, right? I gave my try so that June won't just passed out like April. See you around.
p.s. Yeah, you right. Writing this post is just another kind of distraction from the "sweetest" thing. Paka. Oh, and yesterday, June 5th 2014, was the first anniversary of my bachelor-thesis-defense. And now I'm still working on it.....ok, unimportant. Paka again.
Wow, one post a month. What a "beautiful" monthly dose. Is it proper enough?
Let's start a quick review about what I've done in the past month. Well, let's just passed the
Aaand the first highlight on May, absolutely, is Car Driving License! Woohoo~
Yeap I, who taught that herself would end up on the passenger seat forever, got it finally! And that's it. Bonus for the pic that coming out pretty good, which is not too dark or oily skin everywhere.
The second highlight is....Komugi Boulangerie. It's a Japanesse-French bakery located inside Papaya Fresh Gallery, Sukajadi Bandung. How it become a highlight? Well, I pass that place almost everyday on my way to work. Because I'm that kind of person who almost ignore (or forget) about breakfast, I often take steps in there to bought something for my tummy. And that's when the addiction begin.
 |
| Boulangerie = Bakery, Komugi : Wheat (source) |
What I want to say is you should come and try for it. Almost all of the bread is a pleasure for your taste. I give my hat to Milk Pan as the current addiction, because of the perfect filling and soft-fluffy bread. I recommend Anpan (Red Bean Bread), Choco Pan Au Lait, Red Bean Croissant, Almond Cream, and Cream Cheese. But basically, every bread is worth to try :)
 |
| Bakery Display (source) |
p.s. Yeah, you right. Writing this post is just another kind of distraction from the "sweetest" thing. Paka. Oh, and yesterday, June 5th 2014, was the first anniversary of my bachelor-thesis-defense. And now I'm still working on it.....ok, unimportant. Paka again.
I know I'll be missing April,
..and I'm not going to give you anymore reason. It was just come in and out freely through my mind. Everything is not always run smoothly, like just another life experiences. Focus is the best option I had right now and better not to bother me with any kind of unneeded actions which sealed with human senses. I'm a human too, that's why I also know how to use senses at least in a proper way.
Thus, hello. That's a late-proper greetings for the cold blog one. Best shots for May!
Thus, hello. That's a late-proper greetings for the cold blog one. Best shots for May!
