I made a list of things I wanna write about,

.. in case I don't have time to write. But apparently I did. lol

It (should be) a peaceful Sunday.

I'm sitting here on the edge of basketball court, waiting my dear to sweat him out.

Yes I bring laptop here and that's kind of freak like, who the hell is this person, bringing laptop at the sport venue?

The motivation?

Sorry, will correct that part, it's not motivation, it's pressure.

Lately, I sleep but doesn't feel like it is. It's not restoring your energy, it's pressuring.

Well, I'm a loyal Google Keep user since I was freshman in college. On a peak days when I have tons of random working request coming up at once, I noted it on "What to do tonight". I even made a specific Trello board for what has to be done by me in the context of request. 

Up until now I currently have 64 self-Trello card, and 15+ to-do tonight that I have to finish, alone.

You might say I'm not doing the right time management or not implement working effectively or procrastinate all my works or it's consequences of my choices or the fault of not asking for help. 

Dude, it's okay. I got that, I admitted that. I'm the one at fault here and you're the winner-winner chicken dinner, wo-hoo !

But, let's put out the negative energy, (I think) I can still handle it.... roflmao

For the list that I wanna write about, please just wait until I can make it out happened.

It's been 987 days since my last writing,

..or 2 years, 8 months, 14 days.

Gosh, I broke my own commitment to post at least once a month  to once a year, then it turns out to post at least once in whenever I feel like doing it, lol. Maybe the longest strike of me-not-posting-whatsoever in here that I've never imagine before. You must be dead in boredom, bloogy. Did you? Have you been well?

People do really change, better or worse, and it's valid.

So, I'm still here, well alive.

Just finished with family stuff because it's Eid Al Fitr Day in COVID-19 Pandemic. Never been in travel (I mean, my kind of travelling) for more than 1.5 years and I think I'm getting lost.

You know I spent some time when I tried to recall "Dude, what account that I used to login into this blog?"

Some minutes after, I spent to read my old-random-and-not-necessary writings.

And yes, all memories seems to burst in front of me. And yes, I think, my absence for the past 2 years++ is something that I should not do.

Watching me grow through my old post is shameful but at the same time, hmm... proud (?)

Well, now I can conclude my old-self as : 

• Ms. Know-It-All, or  
• Ms. Confide-between-the-lines, or
• Ms. Someone-who-needs-a-place-to-tell-stories-but-doesn't-know-where-and too-shameful-to-did-it
• Ms. Still-trying-to-encourage-herself-for-shits-happened

But behind all of it, it's surprising enough that my past writings actually gives me enlightenment about what happened to me currently. Let's say I have an issue, then I re-read my old post, and I feel like I've been advised by myself in the past -lol what's this, am I trying to call myself psychic or what.

Anyway, it's been fun enough to catching up with you (although my writing is still worth enough to warn by Grammarnazi). I hope that I can recall myself once again, like I said earlier, I think I'm getting lost, lol.

p.s. Hope this pandemic will be over soon, I feel like I wanna grab my backpack and run off to cross out my bucket list

Welcoming New Life : Throwback 7 & 8 April 2018

HELLO

It's been a (super!) while, right? And luckily it's not a year after my last post here.
Last year I told you about I got engaged. So, let me do a little throwback of my wedding moment, just to left path in here because you've been with me since 2007 (wow, more than 1 decade!). 

Pengajian

Siraman

Midodareni

Midodareni

Before Akad

Before Akad

Akad

After Akad

Kirab Resepsi

Now, I''m enjoying my marriage life. And it's feels so amazing to (finally) found someone that you can annoy (and lean on to) for the rest of your life :)

Sasri & Mega 

p.s. Thank you for those who took their quality time to attend, also for those who send prayers at heart, I really appreciate it.

Well, Hey!

03.12.17 - 11:44 AM

I may never expect this kind of person.

But, this kind of moment is really worth to post.

Ego, Denial, Selfless.

HELLO

(should be posted on September 22, 2017)

As a selfless person known by almost all of my long time friends, there's a point of denial where I can be a very egoistic person ever.

The resistance to always pleased others while still looking hella-fine can be such a troublesome. Sometimes you're tired with it, but you're insist to mark it okay because you think you can handle it (by hurting yourself -in the same time).

Then it becomes funny when you think you have something that you claim as yours --or someone whom you claim to be bonded with you.

Yes, who said a selfless person can't have any ego towards what's important to them? It's beyond your mind that an ego of a selfless person might be way bigger than you ever expect comparing to normal range of peeps.

Their ego about something/someone can be much more bigger than you ever thought because it's shown in silent. Yes, they almost never talked about it if they want to do/not to do something, or they want someone to do/not to do something. To keep their self esteem, they might be doing something underneath and still having the flattest expression you've usually seen. Like there's nothing happened and everything seems normal.

What's the underneath?
They end up with denial.

Denial is the natural survival instinct of our self esteem.
When it's in danger--or things happened contrary with your ego-- its alert system warns them to change the mind mode into denial, so the burning ego can be drenched just in sec.
Sounds easy isn't it?

"I don't like it when its happening. I want them to stay in here."
"But, if they're here, they might be feeling unhappy with it."
"Let's just let them go. Instead, I can handle my mind and do other things so that my mind wont stick into this probs again."

Towards myself,
I can see the glitches on yours. That's quite hurt, but you're still looking fine. Even when it hurts, you seem like having no regret with it, huh? Because you're basically a masochist.

And that's how you become a selfless person again.
Repeated, continuously until you dead.
Isn't that pathetically funny?

p.s. Maybe, just maybe, the glory of self-esteem is not always like we think it should be.

(Another) attempt of giving positive vibes towards myself

HELLO

It's 02:00 a.m
I woke up because of the call about 2 hours ago and just let myself to wide awake up to now.
So, what kind of nonsense talk do you want to hear?

You know, whenever I wrote in here, I wrote to myself. I don't tend myself to write what to inspire others like people at my age normally wrote.
This kind of trash talk helps me a lot to make time for me --things that mostly forgotten because you're deeply drown with another 'priority' activities such as work, tasks, social life, etc.

When you're in the mode of getting a chance to set up your future turbulence, there's 100% possibility that you feel like you lost and had preference to go nowhere.
That's called, you've been spoiled by the guilty pleasure called comfort zone.

Somehow you feel burdened to step forward, although you're really want it. So, you keep staying there like a dead old fish. The perfect plan with bunch of alternatives you've made won't work if you're not throwing yourself into the water. You're not that weak to be called yourself as a coward, so just jump in it. Feel the dynamics, that's how the world works.

And never thought that you're gonna be alone to face it out. You've got people on your back, you've got God too. Throw away your dignity and ask them some support, if you need it. Don't act like you're the most independent person in the whole world. Hey, you're not superwoman... and it's absolutely okay to feel the need from others. You're not troublesome, you're just doing what's common for human. 

So, why you still feel worried too much?

Stranger than your sympathy

And this is my apology

I'm killing myself from the inside out

And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don't need (all I wanted)

And what I chase won't set me free (it's all I wanted)

And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees

Oh, yeah

Everything's all wrong

Everything's all wrong

Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy

I take these things, so I don't feel

I'm killing myself from the inside out

And now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose (all I wanted)

And all your luck's run out on you (all I wanted)

And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh, yeah

It's easy to forget

When you choke on the regrets

Who the hell did I think I was?

(Symphaty - Goo Goo Dolls)

***

Release the tense on your shoulders.
It's gonna be okay my dear.. you're not that weak.
Enjoy the turbulence!

p.s. Got myself some chocolate milk and I'm good to go to bed. Sleep well, fellas!

Auction time is calling and..

...this time, I admit, that time just seems to fly so fast.
The auction time is here (again) because I'll give you my September. Ya know? This blog slogan won't ever goes old, even when the meaning is so absurd, because I said it on my land of authority. Can I get a 'yay'? No?

Wait, now playing Daughtry - September because it just perfectly fit the moment.

Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

We knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
We would end up here the way we are
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how

(Daughtry - September)

Basically I'm gonna love song that related with September because I'm biased with this month. Don't judge me.
The things is, for keep getting another chance to live another year, I should feel blessed, we should.
I'm not gonna ask the pressuring questions like : What have you done for the past year? or What kind of last year achievement you really proud of?

Let's just be it.

Because churros completes theme park

p.s. Lately I've been replaying some old playlist because of nostalgic strikes me hard
p.s.s. It's good to remember and always be remembered by others, don't we?

Welcoming Sun-kissed!

HELLO

Things are never been better when you try to include yourself in a program called self-healing. Improve yourself with something that makes you feel good, whether you learn something or throw yourself into self-satisfactory activities.

And I have soft spot for traveling tho... so 2 days before new adventure trip comin' forward!

Shot from my last trip in Bira. Anw that's hair not brown bushes.

p.s. Been a year, thought it was just yesterday. Never expected for being through it.

This past few days,

HELLO

I realized that this brain of mine was full of things to be thought out and the mood was just stink like disaster. Even I confused about this free fall from the tip of my own eyes. I smell the turbulence and recast will come in short period of time.

Not a good instinct at all.

And for a while, I just want to forget all things that happened.

Aren't you just too afraid to lose your base of recall?

HELLO

Say, you have unsustainable things that you want to keep the most.
If you wanna keep it, then you'll never want to swap it up with any other things.
That's normal things to do, acceptable as human being.

Yes, you try to remember it all but your-standard-human-brain-capacity just can't make it, except for a short recall that you called : re-type the words.

That's it. That's the moment when suddenly you want to re-read it again, just to ensure yourself that you (still) remember it.

And you feel that, right?
All you want is just to feel relieve.. that you still can remember it.

Towards the end of the post, I questioned myself :
Aren't you just too afraid to lose your base of recall?


p.s. Might be my first and last post in July, only if this melancholia is burned down today.